One-on-one meetings are simultaneously the most important and overlooked aspects of team management. Rarely are they used as intended. When done, they are short, problem-centric, and generally very ineffective. And it’s sad because when handled correctly, one-on-one meetings are the most powerful tool in any manager’s arsenal.
They unite, encourage, and center the team in a way few other activities can—when done right. So, let’s get into it. In this post, we’ll cover
- What is team management?
- What is a one-on-one meeting?
- What a One-on-One Meeting Is Not
- Why Are One-on-one Meetings Important? Benefits
- Why Do You Need A One-on-One Meeting Agenda?
- How To Make One-On-One Meetings Successful
- Before
- During
- After
- Don’t Do This With Your One-on-One Meetings
What is team management?
If you are here to learn how to make the most of your one-on-one meetings with employees, there are two things you need to know. The first is that few take the time to learn how to manage a team, which means you are rare and special—so good job on that one.
Second, team management is an extremely important aspect of leadership for any type of team. From project managers to scrum masters, if you don’t take the time to lead/manage your team carefully and intentionally, you will see glaring issues. Team management is becoming a lost art, and that’s why it’s so exciting when high-performing teams pop up. You know that those leaders don’t over-promise and under-deliver. No, they put their money, time, and energy where their mouth is.
For context, we define team management as “the act of using managerial tactics to meet business goals and improve performance. It involves a combination of guidance, coordination, teamwork, communication, and support. Paired with problem identification and conflict resolution, team management is best viewed as an amalgamation of skills.”
What is a one-on-one meeting?
We assume you know what a standard meeting is because you’ve likely had many of them. However, a one-on-one meeting is the type where one member of management sits down with one direct report to discuss all sorts of topics. Generally, these meetings are only used to review performance and put out fires, but we think there needs to be more.
At a minimum, a well-done one-on-one meeting should include
- A Personal Check-In
- Feedback For Manager
- Feedback For Team Member
- Conflict Resolution
One-on-one meetings are, by far, the best way to stay in tune with your team. You can understand where they are thriving and where they are hurting. Then, you can find ways to improve their experience—resulting in improved output.
These meetings must be considered the most important type you can have with your team. They tell you about your team members’ personalities and inform them about yours. Even if the relationship is a working one, it is still a relationship, and it needs to be grounded, updated, and cared for.
To make these as easy and productive as possible, there needs to be minimum effort, high benefits, and (most importantly) high levels of psychological safety. In other words, managers need to go out of their way to show team members that they can be trusted, that their boundaries will be respected, and that they will follow up on their promises.
Pro Tip: When starting this process, host these meetings once a week. As you become more familiar and comfortable with your work, processes, and colleagues, you can lower the rate to once every two weeks.
What a One-on-One Meeting IS NOT
Often, managers see these meetings as “just another task.” They are something to check off the list, often rescheduled when inconvenient (which happens a lot), and were not seen as important—only kind of necessary. Most leaders who see poor results tend to make these meetings about critical issues more than anything else. No time or consideration was given to the team member’s work, contributions, or professional development.
These cannot be viewed as burdens, held rarely, and managed poorly. It will leave your team feeling disconnected and unimportant. They will feel distant from the manager, and their behaviors will follow suit, even if they don’t realize it.
And before you get defensive, we know it’s not *entirely* your fault. Few managers are taught how to meet with individuals and do so effectively. No one even explained what “effective” meetings were beyond getting them done.
The best way forward is not to see one-on-one meetings as add-ons but as an essential part. When you do that, you’ll quickly see the following.
- Better systems of trust throughout your team
- Improved employee experience because they feel seen and heard
- Better and more consistent output
- More engagement, motivation, and collaboration
As a manager, project-based or not, you are judged by your team’s performance. And it’s not hard to understand why these changes would improve that.
Why Are One-on-one Meetings Important? Benefits
The benefits of one-on-one meetings are not solely owned by the organization. When these are handled properly, they improve everyone’s experience of the company. Employees feel more connected, they receive more accurate guidance, and feedback goes both ways—making them feel heard, a part of something bigger, and more attuned to the team vision.
As for managers, they get to do the following.
- Resolve issues faster
- Understand each team member’s strengths and weaknesses
- Guide team development (personally and professionally)
- Create trustful relationships
- Create space for innovation by uncovering and supporting employee ideas
- Reduce turnover
- Provide more accurate support
And, of course, there are benefits to the business as well, including
- Maintain a healthy culture
- Better employee commitment to the organization and the organization’s mission
- Better employee retention
- Improved employee output
Why Do You Need A One-on-One Meeting Agenda?
If we were going to ignore every other section of this post and disregard all of our advice except for one thing, we would recommend you DO NOT ignore this one.
No one makes agendas. They just don’t. They think it would be better to keep things informal and skip that step. The research actually says to do the opposite. Sure, your meeting can feel informal in all the ways that count, but please make out the agenda and share it with the team members before you dive in, even if it’s just an introductory activity.
Preparing a one-on-one meeting agenda is a great indication of effectiveness. We’d go so far as to have you include your team members in the agenda-creation process. What does that look like?
- Each person should create a list of topics to discuss
- Employee’s points take precedence
- Manager’s points are addressed after the employee feels properly heard and satisfied
Both parties should answer the following questions.
- What are some topics you’d like to discuss?
- How are things going?
- What are your current priorities? (If any come up you don’t recognize or understand, ask why that one is important to them.)
- Have you run into any problems lately?
- What was a win you experienced recently?
Please Note: These questions will spotlight current topics, and while those are important, you also need to add big-picture topics, including the team vision, the company vision, etc.
How To Make One-On-One Meetings Successful
So far, we’ve talked a lot about why you need to prioritize one-on-one meetings and all the great benefits you’ll see, but we need to talk about how you prioritize them and make them successful.
First, there is no “one-size-fits-all” way to do this. (We all know that phrase is a lie, anyway.)
Second, this whole event has to be employee-centric—and that fact needs to be obvious. Every topic needs to be related back to the needs, hopes, and concerns of your team members. And you, as the manager, need to take a very active role in discovering them.
If you’ve never been intentional about one-on-one meetings before, you need to lay out the foundation for a new way of meeting. We recommend that you go out of your way to do the following.
- Encourage your team to be honest
- Show them that this act of meeting and hearing them out is not a burden
- Give them space to share ideas, feelings, and concerns
- Support and help them on their way to their goals (short and long-term)
They might play the “everything is fine” card because they aren’t used to this model, which means you’ll have to keep on them and wait them out. Eventually, they will become comfortable enough to take your plea for open, honest communication seriously.
Before Your One-On-One Meeting
Technically, you could walk into that room, shoot from the hip, and everything will be fine. But, for most mortals, that is not the case. Without preparation, most of us will be messy—not just informal messy, but messy messy. And no one likes messy meetings.
So, to make sure that every single meeting is properly prepared for both parties, we recommend you do each of the following.
- Give them a heads-up
- Establish regularity
- Repeat location
- Create an agenda or ask the other person to (with direction)
Let us explain.
1. Give them a heads-up.
Again, your team might not be used to this type of attention, so they, like all rational humans, will assume the worst. You are sitting down with each and every one of them to discuss how badly they sucked this year and firing them with swift brutality. You aren’t planning to do that, but that will be their first thought. So, as a manager or project manager, you need to assure them that this isn’t the case immediately.
Also, you should tell everyone about these meetings when they are collected together. That way, you prevent anyone from feeling left out or singled out. You can answer any general questions that way, too.
If you need to, relate the “why” of having these one-on-one meetings to organizational goals and values. Management wants to make people feel heard, and you want to find ways to be a more supportive leader. Most people will be fully on board with that.
Finally, when addressing everyone, explain what items, ideas, and behaviors they should bring to the meetings. Invite them to be curious, honest, and willing to provide feedback—not receive. Remember, this is about making them feel heard, not vice versa.
2. Establish and maintain regularity.
Some teams will need to meet daily, while others prefer weekly or biweekly meetings. On top of that, there will be some team members who work best when left mostly alone, and they’ll require a different system than those who need more attention. No matter what system you choose, everyone should get the same amount of time and attention from you.
There are three ways you can do this. The first involves meeting with everyone once a week for 30 minutes. Because of the higher level of regularity and consistency, this one is often preferred and results in the highest level of engagement. The second is less frequent, meeting every other week for roughly an hour. The third way involves combining the previous two. You meet with some weekly and others once every two weeks.
Always spend the same amount of time with team members, no matter how often you meet.
When choosing the frequency of your one-on-one meetings, you should base your decision on the following.
- A remote or colocated team – Remote teams feel isolated easily, so a higher frequency of one-on-one meetings might yield better results.
- Team size – Larger teams (10 or more) will require less frequency and reduced time slots to best accommodate size. You might encourage peer mentorships.
- Their preference – Your less experienced team members might need more frequency and guidance, while your more experienced team members might prefer the opposite approach.
- Your experience – New managers tend to prefer more frequent meetings to better understand the team and company processes, procedures, and systems.
- Team member experience – If you are new to the manager position or your team is newly formed, weekly is the best.
Pro Tip: Do not limit your team members to one 60-minute meeting once a month. You can’t build momentum by meeting once a month. Issues get swept under the rug, ideas aren’t seen through, and people misunderstand each other. Also, DO NOT make a habit of canceling.
3. Choose and repeat a location.
If you can meet in person, do so, as these types of meetings are the best for bonding and connecting. And if possible, choose a location for a meeting that you will repeat every time. By making people feel comfortable sharing and working through issues, you reinforce that behavior by setting a singular location. Internally, people will recognize that whenever they walk into this space, it’s time to be creative, honest, and open.
Try not to hold these meetings in the employee’s office. Instead, either hold them in a neutral space (conference room, coffee shop, etc.) or in the manager’s office.
4. Create an agenda or ask the other person to (with direction)
We mentioned previously the importance of creating an agenda. Please, if nothing else, do that.
During Your One-On-One Meeting
People aren’t as honest, vulnerable, or confiding as possible if they feel uncomfortable. So, your objective during the meeting is to make them feel as comfortable as possible. Your attitude and behaviors need to be focused on making them feel like a priority.
How do you do that?
- Have your questions, documents, and other things ready
- Start on a high note
- Listen more than you talk
- Add your perspective gently
- Be flexible to changes and additions
- End on a high note
1. Have Your Questions Ready
We recommend that you have a list of standard questions and topics prepared for each meeting that you can customize as needed. Remember, preparation is always your friend. Questions are good, too, because they show your team members that you’re curious about their thoughts, opinions, and concerns.
You could start your one-on-one meetings by asking them some variation of the following questions.
- What is your favorite part of your job?
- What is your least favorite part of your job?
- What parts of our work culture here would you like to change?
- What parts would you keep?
- What are your current priorities in your role?
- What feedback from me would help you best? Should it be based on projects, tasks, skills, performance, etc.?
- Would you like to see more or less coaching from me?
- In five years, where would you like to be? What would you like to be doing?
- What part of your work here is in line with that goal? What parts are not aligned?
- How are things outside of work?
- What do you like to do outside of work? What are your favorite things (hobbies, shows/movies, books, podcasts, activities)?
2. Start Strong
When beginning a meeting, neither party knows where the other is coming from. They could be having a great day, or they could be having an extremely difficult day. As the manager, you are hosting the team member, which means you must have your feelings in check. Understand that your mood is contagious.
If you come in happy and willing to learn, they will likely return it. But also, be aware that everyone has a whole world they function in, just like you. So, don’t be disheartened if they come in from a bad day and can’t shake that weight. They don’t need to be aggressive, rude, or mean, but they don’t need to pretend they are fine, either. You’ll be able to navigate that balance the more you learn about your team.
These one-on-one meetings are about the team members. So, please turn off your notifications, be present, and reiterate the goal of the meeting. You want to be a better leader, and you need their insight to do so.
3. Listen More, Talk Less
When we provide a list of questions, we intend for you to ask them, sit back, and listen. Quality participation in these meetings is only possible if your team member does most of the talking—meaning more than 50%.
Create an agenda (with your team members, if possible) that allows that. Ask them to share ideas, explain their perspective, and what they’d do for a solution.
4. Add Perspective Like It’s Therapy
In counseling, they teach the speaker to share their feelings using “I” statements. That way, the facts are shared, and there isn’t blame or any room for defensive behavior to be incited. For example, “I felt disrespected when my idea was ignored.”
Your thoughts on topics are an important part of a productive discussion but add them carefully. Give your point of view as YOUR point of view. And if they offer a feasible solution, use it even if it’s not your solution. You’ll improve employee engagement a lot if you show them that that effort means something.
5. Bend Like A Palm, Not An Oak
In other words, be flexible. Let the meeting unfold how it will. If items are skipped, added, or completely ignored because other things came up, that’s okay. Simply move them to the next meeting’s agenda. Also, everyone will have different preferences regarding communication and meeting follow-up in general, so find out what that is and adjust your tasks to match.
6. End On A High Note
You have a good deal of control over other peoples’ experience of you, which means you can help it be more positive. At the end of any one-on-one meeting, you should clarify takeaways and lay out how you plan to follow up. Both parties should write those down so they both know what they are working with and can refer back to their notes.
That also helps create continuity.
After Your One-On-One
If handled correctly, both parties should walk away feeling pretty good. To put it another way, when the one-on-one meeting concludes, each person should walk away feeling the following.
- Better connected to the organization and team vision
- Well-informed on the details of what the other party needs from them
- Heard on any issues or changes they feel are needed
- Respect for the other person that is returned
- An understanding of where they stand and what is next
At the end of each one-on-one meeting, you could get additional feedback by having them answer a few questions, such as
- What about the one-on-one meeting structure do you feel is working?
- What’s not working?
- Do you have any suggestions for improving the process or your experience?
Then, take that feedback seriously.
DON’T DO THIS With Your One-on-One Meetings
We cannot stress enough the importance of these meetings. Your team members need to know that they can trust you, that what you say is true, and that promises will be kept. That’s why you cannot do any of the following if you hope to use one-on-one meetings for their intended purpose (?).
- Hold meetings with no set cadence or regularity
- Use them for progress and status updates ONLY
- Skip them when they become inconvenient for your schedule
- Lack clarity or intention by not making an agenda
- Ignore great work
By hosting these meetings regularly, you can gain so much insight into your team—their thoughts, feelings, and concerns—in real-time, not weeks or months after things happen. They are people. There is an ebb and flow to the way they work, and it’s important to stay in harmony with that. You’ll be completely misaligned if you cancel all the time.
Also, the better you understand your team (possible only through regular contact), the better you understand how to utilize their skills, which benefits your team and your organization. We understand that the idea of a once-a-week pace can be a lot, but it’s necessary. You can always peel it back when you have established a solid foundation.
Another thing you should NOT do with your one-on-one meetings is make them completely impersonal. Your people are actual people. They are not robots, they are not without feelings, and they don’t exist just to work. Find out what they are facing at home. Find ways (even small ones) to make their burdens a little less heavy. You don’t have to pry, but you can inquire about their experience outside the office.
Show that you care about them as people. It will initially feel strange, especially if all contact up to this point has been strictly professional, but it’s a great way to improve employee retention because they feel cared for.
Finally, don’t forget to recognize great work. If people give you their best, make sure they know you say it. Don’t let great effort, great results, or great ideas go on as if they are nothing. It’s not as easy as it sounds. You might even consider creating a system that is shaped like a positive feedback loop. Great work might mean better bonuses or things like that.
Please, just do your whole team a favor and stop underestimating the importance of a one-on-one meeting. You’ll be so glad you did.
